Beautiful Ugly

Hi, it’s been a while since my last writing. This is a gift from me for my lovely readers. My first ever english novella ~ hope u guys like it. Love you all 😘

Beautiful Ugly

the flower that grew from concretes 🥀

Sometimes i am curious how it feels to be God’s favourite? Born in beautiful ways, effortless smart, pretty face, nice skin, confident talker. To be liked by everyone. While i am here, doing nothing yet hated by most of the populations.

It’s okay, people who hate me will hate me, people who love me will love me and people who support me will always support me. Wise words from JiSoo of BlackPink i kept repeated like a mantra. Who cares about others’ opinions? No matter how good i treated them, it won’t stop them on hating me, if they want to. Sometimes, people are weird. They hate you for no reason yet still not satisfied. They even spread gossips about you to their stupid friends. Yes, i called them stupid coz they blindly hating people for silliest reason. And suddenly you are hated by everyone lol. Life~

🌤️🌤️🌤️

“Rose!” I turn my back to see that familiar voice.

She run to me with big smile on her face.

“Gotcha!” she said while grabbing my arms. Her breath sounds heavy as if she did marathon.

Her name is Sunshine. Her personality bright like sunshine. She has pretty face also. Kind heart with sexy mind. She is another definition of perfect if only she does not have that 4D character. Yeah she is weirdo sometimes. But that is what make me link with her. The weirdness in us share the same port.

“Why are you walking so fast?” She asked. Still tachypneoa but slowing down this time.

“Are you still sick in your stomach?” She asked again. She looked worried. My eyes got teary by that question coz nobody ever asked me if i am doing fine, not even my family. She is the only person who do so.

“I’m fine. Even though i looked sick, but for your information, this is my face!” I said while pointing on my face.

She giggled. “Put some lipstick then. Girls will look shine only when they wear make up. Don’t you like art? Makeup is an art too,” she said.

“I do like art however… art doesn’t like me. Art and me not mix well. I always leave messiness on my art,”

“You not even trying, my dear. Failed is normal. That’s mean you’re taking a first step. It’s okay to be messy sometimes,”

Blah blah blah. She became motivator out of sudden. Unfortunately, i am not motivated at all.

“By the way, where is Lily?” I asked to slide from the topics. And i was curious too.

“As usual. Remember her motto? No matter what…”

“Never run!” We said in sync then laughed.

Lily came towards us while her left hand on her waist.

“Why are you so late?” I asked.

“I am not late, you are too early,” she replied.

“It’s okay girls. What’s matter is the three of us are here now. Now, let’s go homie!” said Sunshine. I was about to reply on Lily statement if not stopped by Sunshine. Maybe because I raised from a family who always make punctuality as priority, I always in hurry and cannot wait.

“The sunset is beautiful isn’t it?” I said. I always amazed by sunset. It feels warmth and peaceful.

“You’re not saying it in poetic ways, aren’t you?” Lily asked. As the meaning of it is actually ‘I love you, but i have to let you go’. It is also a symbolic for a beautiful goodbye.

“I am not!” I rapidly denied it.

Sunshine took out her phone. “Let’s take a picture then,” she said.

“1,2, cheese!”

📸📸📸

I have very smallest circle. They are the only friends i have. My life would be lonelier if i have not meet them. I even do not have boyfriend but i acted like i have one. Because people will be questioning. But isn’t it normal for someone ugly like me? I mean, who wants me? I don’t even want myself. Yeah, i always post motivated words but to be true, i am not as motivated as my post.

However, it is a blessing in disguised i think because i can fully committed to my study. If i am not hanged out with those two, i will stay with books. No, i am not smart as everyone think. I am just lucky because i read the entire books countless times, that is why i can answer the exam paper well. Also become the reason why am i so insecure with smart people.

❄️❄️❄️

You know what, there is another interesting thing other than pretty privilege that we called, smart privilege. I always admire my senior with smart privilege like how to be like them? To enjoy your life but do good in study as well. That is why i always believe in hardwork because i know i am not that smart. I go hard on me because my dad do so. To get his attentions, i have to score higher than my siblings. Sometimes i wonder, how it feels to be loved without even trying? I just want to be loved just the way i am.

Unfortunately, it didn’t happen to me. I wasn’t loved as i wish. I am taken for granted. Because of my capabilities of doing things alone, i get more and more burden. I can’t bear the expectations and being stressed alone.

I even lost one of my friends. I do not know if it because of jealousy or my attitude? I have this attitude where i am too lazy to explain my side until it becomes misunderstanding. And i am too insecure to fall in love, i will easily hurt if i love a person, that is why i hate being loved because it makes me weak. I can’t help but letting people go. I don’t blame this anxious-avoidant in me because it is my coping mechanism from getting hurt. Though it feels lonely sometimes, most of the times.

☔️☔️☔️

It was raining that time when he ran towards me. Put me under his umbrella while he let himself wet in the rain. He took my hands and let me held the umbrella. After that, he ran looking for shelter while his hand holding bag above his head, covered himself from the rain.

“Hey, wait!” I yelled.

He looked at me while smiling on his face as if he didn’t hit by the rain.

“Take it! You need it more!” He said. His shining eyes and beautiful smiles hasn’t fade away. It is cold everywhere but i am melted :3

Considering how slow i ran compared to him, plus i wore white shirt, it will be transparent if i am wet, I have to agree with him.

“Thank you!” I yelled again.

He smiled and waved his hand. He was fast that he dissappear in a blink of my eyes.

🦋🦋🦋

And he always running everytime he sees me. Like butterflies in my stomach cannot stop dancing everytime he is around. He definitely a runner. He run everywhere including my head. Ah! I can’t stop thinking about him. His soft touches, pink lips, brown shiny eyes, beautiful voices, strong perfumes. He skin so white and shine so bright. The way he stroke his hairs everytime we walked together is so amazing. Everything stucks in my memories.

Not only me, all my girl classmates also attracted by his charms. Handsome face with sexiest body and mind, everyone will definitely falling for him. I don’t fall for man’s body but i have to admit he was the sexiest man alive i have ever met that time.

His little care means so much to a person who never felt treated princess like me. He offered me his handmade foods, bought me drinks and like to pat my head for all of sudden. Aww boy, can you stop doing like this otherwise my walls will fall.

Luckily, he never confessed so ”us” in us never happen. Thankfully. If not, i will lost myself again just like what happened to my first love. It is not first love, it is more to one sided love. I care for him but his eyes only on my friend, who is prettier than me. We worked together and i was treated unfair. What a pretty privilege! Almost a year, i cried non stop and losing my weight due to how broken my heart was.

💐💐💐

It’s been a year since my graduation yet I’m still here, being unemployeed. Life feeling so dark as if my world cover with black clouds. The atmosphere always groomy but rain never come. I have so much confidence in me that i will get a job since i passed the exam with flying colors but no.

No company wants to hire me as I have no working experienced. I am fresh graduate, what they expect? I give up on working at my dream job and start looking on any job instead. I just want to help my father. We have economic issue since my father is the only person who is working and he is old already.

I went from one store to one store. The people not even looking at me. The job inquiries seen on the paper but when i asked, they said they found workers already. Why would the still leave it hanging there? It just leave a fake hope to people like us.

I sat on despair because i was running out of energy. Looking for job but nobody wants to hire me.

I smelled a very good smell, floral like smell. That perfume attracted my attention. I look on the girl that passed in front of me. Looks familiar.

“Cindy!” I said halfly yell.

“Hey, Rose!”

Luckily she still recognized me. If not because of her pointed nose, i wouldn’t recognise her. She looks elegant with her make up on point. Looks very captivating.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I’m looking for a job,”

“Oh! I see. Fortunately my boss looking for new florist!”

“Really?” I asked excitedly. My eyes full with hopes already. I even imagined myself in my florist outfit. Choosing flowers for customers. It must be great. Because I always love flowers. All flowers are beautiful to me. And maybe… I will found my soulmate here! He will fall in love with me while i picking the best flowers for him. Ah! My stupid thoughts. I went far already. I should stop. This is too much.

I calmed myself down. ‘Cool down! Don’t expect too much because high expectation is hurt,’ i said to myself to stop the voices in my head.

💔💔💔

“Is she your friends? I’m sorry, but how you guys two become friends? I mean, you and her are so much different, like sky and mud,” said the red hair girl while laughing hard, showing her lost front tooth. According to Cindy, that girl is her senior florist. She has been working there for almost 7years.

“Gurlsss, you better tell her to look on the mirror! Who’s gonna hire her? With that kinda look. With her un-ironed shirt. Very undemure! HAHAHA” she added.

I feel my world destroyed into pieces when i heard those awful words. She may not say it in front of me, but i guess she knows i was near, yet she let me hear that. How sharp the words is that my heart feel so much pain.

🫧🫧🫧

I back to home while crying. I don’t even answer my mom’s questions. I directly go to my room, lock the door, throw myself onto the bed and cry again. What’s wrong with my look? Is it a crime being ugly? Are they too perfect to judge me like that? I then change my sight to the photos on my tables. My childhood photos. I miss that time. When nobody judge me for being myself. I was called as cutie and smart kid. They even praised me for being cute on whatever i did.

I look in the mirror in front of me. Stand from my bed and get closer to the mirror. I watch myself crying. My face become flushing and my lips become red. I look better there. People are right when they said, women are prettiest when they cry.

Maybe she’s right, who wants me with this look? Even I don’t want myself too. I look at the makeup items on my desk that my mom bought for me for years ago. Still intact.

I open youtube, watching makeup tutorials. Day and night I practiced on wearing makeup. I even got teased by my brother and sister for looking like SinChan.

📆📆📆

Day by day, my makeup skills improving. Though i still hear the bad words from people like, “you’re not pretty if there’s no makeup on you” or something like, “you think you’re pretty? You’re not. Your friends are prettier”, I don’t care! Like, who are they to judge when they aren’t diamond in the rough? Only insecure people like to judge others.

I put a strong mindset on me. I did all for myself. Not for others validation. I dress up and wear make up for my confidence. For me to love myself again. Being better doesn’t mean I doesn’t being myself, it means i love myself so much that I want nothing for myself but self improvement.

I also planting the gardens behind our house. Because I am unemployed and get so much free time, I used it to do my hobbies. While waiting for my flowers blooming, i help my father looking for customers. I take this advantage to improve my communication skills. I also help my mother sell her homemade cookies. I wake up and go out from my room everyday to socialise to help me increase my networking.

🌷🌷🌷

Time passes. My flowers blooming now. It’s time for me to sell them. With my pocket money I got by helping my parents, I open small flowers shop and become a florist boss.

I’m too busy focusing on my business that i forget to get married. Many comes to propose but I reject them all. Well, this is the best thing of getting your own money, you’re not chosen, you choose!

And i choose that one boy I met years ago. I still keep the umbrella he gave me. He came as one of the guests at my new opening flower shop days ago. He still handsome like before. His eyes still shines though wrinkles on his face. His hair some turning gray but doesn’t reduce his charms. And his body get tougher. 

According to my ex classmates, he still single. He said the reason is because his heart still remain to his crush he met long time ago.

“So tell me about your crush,” i said once in a coffee book shop. He likes coffee and i like tea, he likes reading while i like writing. But both of us love books. That’s why we chose this place for meet up. We both agree to meet up for business purposes, or maybe for other reasons.

“She’s the beautiful girl i ever seen that time and now she become prettier than ever,” he explained.

“Oh! I’m so jealous of her. She must be younger, doesn’t she?”

He nods. Then giggle, shows his prettiest smile. Oh! That smile. It still the same like before.

“She was. But now she has wrinkled covers with her foundation. And I don’t mind though. She’s still the prettiest to me. Well beautiful face will fade when age goes up, but beautiful heart, it will remain forever. And that’s what makes I’m into her. Her beautiful soul,”

Flashback when he first saw me, i was helping the old lady crossing the road. Took her hand and slowly crossed the road with her. Despite the traffic lights turned into green light, i still walked with her patiently.

“Oh! I’m touched. She must be so lucky. Does she got married already?” I asked again. I hope she did. Because i want to replace her. I want to propose him. I want to be his wife. His forever life partner.

“Why asking me when you have the answer?” He said while giggling. I can see his face turned into red like tomatoes.

“Me?” I don’t get it.

He tear one of the pages from the books. All the eyes are on us now. I am in shock. Did he… but this isn’t his shop and that book, is the restaurant’s owner’s book.

He rolls the paper and took my finger. He tied that paper on my finger.

“I don’t fully prepared. I know this is all of sudden but, I can’t wait longer anymore. To the beautiful lady i ever met, are you ready to share the rest of your beautiful life with me?”

‘I love shiny things but I’ll marry you with paper rings~’ by taylor swift echoes all over the coffee shop all of sudden. The customers there are just looking at us. I look at them all with awkward smile.

“Okay, but what about the book you tore just now?” I said to him in whispered.

He looks shock. Then both of us laugh as if we are the only persons there.

-The End-